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Yesterday, Josiah really made me angry. Recently, it has become really hard to feed him. So, when I bring him back from the baby sitter’s, I will immediately put him in his high chair and try to feed him. I will have to distract him with many things in order for him to eat properly, else he will push the spoon away and many times causing the food to splatter all over. Well, it worked last week and he managed to sit quietly and finished his dinner before I allow him to play in the living room. However, yesterday, he ate like 2 mouthful and wouldn’t have anything to do with food anymore. I made so many kinds of food for him, porridge, cauliflower, chawanmushi, chicken, tofu, and still he insisted to climb out of his chair, a trick he learned recently. Somehow, he can slip out of the chair.

So no choice, I had to let him sit on my lap and he allowed me to feed him a few spoonful before he made a pouting face and insisted to be let down. When he struggled and wriggled away from my grasp, it is really hard to hold on to him. Tired of fighting with him, I let him go to the living room and he started cruising on the couch. Well, all these while I was telling him don’t do this and that. When he saw the stairs, he crawled so quickly towards it to climb it. I let out a shout to stop him, as I was rather far off to catch him in time. He stopped in his tracks and with a long pouty face, started crying. He started crying as if I had hit him or something.

Immediately, I picked him up and apologised and tried to calm him, well he continued crying for maybe a minute. My heart was really sore seeing how he cried, and that let me to ponder on our Father’s heart.

When we do something wrong, our Father in Heaven had to discipline us, sometimes this come in the forms of testing, storms etc. Sometimes we cry when disciplined, and cry out to God because we thought he has abandoned us. The truth is, the Father’s heart hurts more than ours. Just like when I had to scold Josiah, my heart was full of pain, yet I do it so that he will learn what’s right and wrong, so that he will not hurt himself. But when he cries, my heart is simply torn. When he stopped crying, he probably totally forgot what happened earlier, but I can never forget that moment. Just as the Father never forgot how hard it is to bring predicaments our way just so that we won’t fall away further, but come back to Him. He did it out of His grace for us.

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in” (Proverbs 3:11-12)

This I guess, reminds me not to continue hurting the Father by ignoring his discipline, but by submitting my whole self to Him to be dealt with according to His purpose for me, to mould me to be more like Him each day.

“As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy’” (1 Peter 1:15-16)